Courtesy of UCSB Recreation

Never skip a workout at the Rec Cen again with these five tips that will get you so swole, you’ll be bigger than The Rock. Take it from me, I’m swole AF.

1. Always wear a muscle tank.

And make sure that tank is cut slightly too much so that your nip slips just a lil as you rep. Those nip slips serve as little reminders that one day your chest will be so big you won’t even have nips.

2. Stare intently at your reflection as you flex in the mirror.

It’s been scientifically proven that the longer you look into the mirror, the faster your muscles will grow. You might even catch them in the act of bulking if you look hard enough.

3. Grunt really loudly during every rep.

If it doesn’t sound like you’re about to take a huge dump every time you lift a weight, then you’re definitely doing something wrong.

4. Listen to classical music at full volume.

You ever wonder what every other bro is listening to while they’re lifting? It’s Mozart, dude. His deft piano playing is crucial in stimulating the cells in your body that will swell up to get you those big biceps. Shedding a tear in memory of Mozart will get you 10 extra gainz.

5. Finally, make sure you snort lines of protein powder before, during and after every set.

Doing so will maximize the amount of protein being absorbed into your muscle tissue. And make sure you drink at least double your weight in water so science can happen and cause your body to bulk up. If you have to pee every 20 minutes, that means you’re doing it right.

If you follow these five tips, you’ll definitely be swole before the next time you have to be shirtless at the beach.


Lizzy Mau is a first-year sustained only by protein powder and cold water.