Courtesy of

  1. Body Wash: Smell like that fuckin’ sauce you’re so obsessed with and proudly proclaim to the entire world that you, too, watch “Rick and Morty.”
  2. Paint: Create a masterpiece for your parents to admire when they pop in for a visit and prove that you’re worthy of their unconditional love and support.
  3. Compost: Grow new life from your favorite dipping sauce, allowing it to grow exponentially and consume your life.
  4. Engine Fuel: Take a page from early 2000s, popular American sitcom “Phil of the Future’s” book and create the next century’s semi-sustainable, alternative fuel source.
  5. Chug: Next time you’re having a party and running low on drinks, just pour this stuff into a bottle and then straight down your throat. “Show us what you got!”
  6. Oil Slick: Harness your inner Kevin McAllister and catch some burglars by slicking the hallway floor with this saucy abomination.
  7. Lube: It’s pretty obvious you’re sexually attracted to a cartoon character if you have enough of this sauce that you need alternative uses. Might as well make your kinks come true.
  8. Laundry Detergent: Seriously, what’s wrong with you? Why are we even writing this? What is this job sometimes?
Tiffany Velazquez
Tiffany is the On The Menu Co-Editor and has been at the Nexus since spring of her freshman year. When not working on the paper, she is the literal embodiment of an English major and can survive on coffee alone.