Due to bad investments, the Associated Students Program Board has discovered it cannot afford to hire legendary rapper Snoop Dogg for next Sunday’s Extravaganza concert. Fortunately, our generous leader, Chancellor Henry T. Yang, has agreed to step in and perform Snoop’s entire set while wearing a wig and makeup.

“I know Snoop’s whole set,” the chancellor said. “We came up in the game together. I was kind of a mentor for Snoop; those were the days. Me, Dr. Dre, Daz Dillinger, Kurupt, Nate Dogg (Rest in Peace) — all the homies; and back then he called himself Snoop Doggy Dogg. I guess the rap game just wasn’t for me. Things change, ya know; he became a platinum rapper and I became a school administrator. If things had worked out a bit differently, I might be touring the country and he might be here running this university.”

Third-year David Jones praised the decision. “I think it’s great, we’re going to save our money that we paid in student fees. Yang’s gonna put on a great show; nobody will even know the difference between them.”

Fourth-year Jessica Pile was disappointed when she heard the news. “This sucks, I wanted to see Snoop and now I have to see old boring Chancellor Yang. It’s not fair, I love Snoop, I’ve always wanted to see him,” she said.

The Chancellor responded, “Bitches ain’t shit man, I know budget cuts ain’t no fun, but stop hating because it’s a Doggy Dogg world and you can’t always get what you want. Haters better lay low, if you want another artist to perform you can wait till the next episode of Extravaganza, but if you’re feeling me then sip on your gin n’ juice, smoke on some chronic and come check out the show.”

Daily Nexus satire columnist Matt Renner heard Yang drops it likes it’s scalding.


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