My name is SF and I am celibate. It has been a ridiculously long time since my last penetration, and I am here to defend my choice of abstinence.
I would first like to clarify that I am in no way claiming any kind of born-again virtuosity. I am merely confronting my lack-of-sack and presenting an argument in my defense. To be entirely honest, the thing is, I am sick of being treated like shit and then being expected to get on my knees and suck it up just so I can get laid.
Yes, sex is amazing. But it definitely hasn’t been amazing with some of the people I have been with, and I’m starting to realize that I have no interest in reliving past mistakes. In order to have no regrets, one must wash, rinse and never repeat.
Popular, hypersexualized culture would have me believe that this humping hiatus I’m experiencing is a “dry spell” — as if I have become some kind of barren landscape victim to Mother Nature’s withholding of fertilization. When we choose to abstain until marriage, we are labeled virgins-in-waiting, but when we choose to abstain from sex post-cherry pop, we are cursed as victims of a drought. So I’m supposed to feel ashamed when I’m having “too much” sex and even more embarrassed when I’m not having any?
As much as I hate giving in to gender stereotypes, this situation is so different for women than it is for men. I’m not saying that men are slaves to their animal urges and have no coital filter. What I am suggesting is that women are usually presented with more situations where saying no and fighting off sex with someone they aren’t down to sleep with is necessary.
At risk of sounding like a bitter old maid, how the hell do guys expect intercourse to be the end result of these horrible, offensive “moves” they’re putting on? Mind you, I live in Europe, which means the men I deal with on a day-to-night basis are instantly creepier. Last weekend I literally had a guy applaud, whistle and say “bravo” to me in passing. If you are wearing skin-tight women’s pants and enough gel in your hair to lubricate Andre the Giant’s penis, you are not allowed to up the ante on your sliminess by being a douchebag.
OK, so I.V. boys don’t necessarily spank your ass in place of shaking your hand like Euro-men do. I’ll give you that. But enough of the cause and back to the not-so-erect effect.
For whatever reason, many people choose not to fornicate, and these people are called prudes. I hooked up with a guy my friend introduced me to last week, chose not to have sex with him and was called a prude for that decision. Me? A prude? This is crazy!
So I’m either a slut or a prude. Are these my only choices? I feel like Goldilocks. I can be too hot and too cold, but how much sex is just right for a woman to have?
This is not a ‘dry spell’ or a ‘slow season.’ I could go home with some loser tonight and get laid. The point is that right now, I’m actually enjoying not having meaningless, respectless sex. And when I decide that no-strings-attached arrangements are what I want again, I’ll do that. Just stop labeling me, because I’m never going to find the perfect sexual formula.
One of my best friends is a virgin, and she is one of the hottest, sexiest chicks I know. She’s not waiting for marriage or Prince Charming. She’s going to have sex when it happens and feels right, and I think that is absolutely wonderful. And even though she’s never been penetrated, she is an extremely sexual person. The number of dicks you’ve hosted for the night has nothing to do with how in tune you are with your sexual self.
There may be some prudes who exist out there, but I sure as hell have never met one. Sexuality is so much more than whether your daiquiri is virgin or not. I know some olive oil bottles that have got it going on but are denounced because of their ‘extra virgin’ labels.
So until someone decides what amount of sex is the perfect amount, and until someone treats me like a human being rather than a set of fleshy holes, I’ll be standing by and waiting. And yes, I’m as horny as a housecat in heat; but in retrospect, sometimes it feels really good to wake up alone.