They’re making Snuggies for dogs now, but let’s be honest: The kind of people who want Snuggies are cat people. And I don’t know who these people are that are going to use a Snuggie to read in. They give you a book light as a bonus or something, but what it should come with is a box of wine and a sedative, because the only thing I would ever do with a blanket with arm holes is sleep in it. As far as I can tell, the only real value a Snuggie serves is to keep a troll warm from the cool drafts under a table or to protect the token party-goer who’s throwing up on themselves.

Tomorrow’s Forecast: Why stop at arm holes? Why not leg holes? Snuggie suits. I’ll call American Apparel.