There’s a new disturbing trend on campus, and I’m pretty sure you all know what it is: unicycling. That’s right, it seems that everywhere I turn there’s some pasty white guy ditching the normal, two-wheeled life and embracing a life of one-wheeled sin. What’s next guys – are you going to bring back the monocle? Or the one-piece jumpsuit? It’s a slippery slope, UCSB. Once you accept these filthy unicyclists onto your BI-cycle paths, who knows what you might have to allow next? Just saying.

Tomorrow’s forecast: The ‘human buys a tricycle, just to be different. Also, a monocle. That’s just cool.