Happy New Year everyone! I don’t know about y’all, but the ‘human has a multi-phase resolution ready to go. Step one: never use the word ‘y’all’ in the weather box ever again. Step two: stage a coup and take charge of the Nexus. Step three: start a smear campaign against The Bottom Line, accusing the paper of enlisting the mentally handicapped as writers and not paying them (believable, no?). Step four: sip on a fine bottle of whiskey in my fancy new office, laughing at the demise of the free press. After all, the first amendment should only apply for things that I like. Duh.

Tomorrow’s forecast: Wendy McCaw of the News-Press is turned on by my lack of journalistic ethics and marries me. Then, after a prompt divorce, I can be a multi-billionare newspaper tycoon too! Hooray!