Look I’m not going to get in the way of today’s planned protest, but I want to make this very, very clear: Stay the hell away from the 217 this year. I swear, if you hemp-wearing, yoga-loving, tofu-eating, weirdos place your unshowered bodies between me and my weekly trip to In-N-Out for animal style fries and a burger, I’ll run over as many of you as the cops will allow before arresting me and secretly setting me free for doing society a favor. You let me get to my red meat, and I’ll let you keep on pretending like President Bush actually gives a shit what a few thousand students 3,000 miles away think. Nobody needs to get hurt.

Tuesday Forecast: In preparation for a war with antiwar-mongers, the ‘human rents a Hummer and buys the same model shotgun as Dick Cheney.