Whoa, whoa, whoa! The CIA was on campus recruiting students last week and they DIDN’T stop by my office? Come on guys, I’d be the perfect spy. I have a pen that doubles as a penlight, I regularly start conflicts and my whole life is based around not letting other people figure out my identity. Seriously, my official job description is “don’t let anyone find out who you are.” That’s it! I’m practically a spy already. All I need is for you to make it official by giving me a gun and carte blanche to torture people.