I sincerely hope that you all had better summers than mine. See I had big plans this summer. I was going to travel the world, eat exotic foods, meet exotic people (translation: have sex with exotic people). Unfortunately my vacation crashed and burned faster than you can say “O.J.? Again? Really?”

I still don’t even know how it all happened. One second I’m sitting in an airport bathroom stall – relieving myself and bouncing my leg to a Kanye beat on my iPod – and the next I’m being charged with sexual solicitation. Nothing exotic about that. Nothing.

Thursday’s Forecast: The ‘Human celebrates after finding out that having a wide stance isn’t grounds for resignation at the Nexus.