Currently number two on the New York Times best sellers hardcover fiction list is the recently released novel, The Children of Húren, written by a man (J.R.R. Tolkien, sound familiar?) who died over 30 years ago. Instead of taking the extra five seconds to check Wikipedia for the lowdown on this scandal, the ‘human would like to assume Tolkien was contacted by a desperately greedy Peter Jackson via a medium.

Thursday’s Forecast: The ‘human holds a séance to talk to Virginia Woolf about “The Hours Part 2.”