The ‘human loves presents. However, the ‘human does not like enigmas. They’re tricky. The ‘human vetoes mystery present-givers, unless they happen to be smokin’ hot. In that case, a recount is unnecessary.

In other news, the ‘human is taking a stand against finals. The sadistic rituals must end, if only for the salvation of the scantron sheet. Those poor bubbles are always haphazardly filled – and not with tasty cream filling or regards to their feelings. What about the rights of the test sheets? No wonder the blue books are so blue. They’re used and then despised, much like a transvestite hooker. Although the ‘human would know nothing about that sort of thing.

Winter Break Forecast: The ‘human continues a new trend and gives out many presents without tags.