Welcome to America, circa 2006. “Men” now wear girl pants and perfume. Paris Hilton is considered a national treasure for her brilliant work in … House of Wax? Activists are still chanting “Bush lied, kids died” like demented Bobbleheads and I’m still just a little bit afraid of the Reverend Al Sharpton’s hair. People still care about what the United Nations decrees with its infinite wisdom and heaven forbid if God or Jesus is mentioned in any public forum. And I can’t watch five minutes of Fox News without getting cranky about something.

I hate how being a conservative suddenly makes me a redneck, bigot, homophobe, racist and warmonger just because I don’t worship at the altar of Bill Clinton… on my knees. I hate the excess of political correctness. I hate how our tradition of a nation of immigrants has become an excuse for illegal immigration. I hate commercials for erectile dysfunction that air during dinner time. I hate that the divorce rate is so high. I hate that eminent domain has been bastardized so private property can be seized to build strip malls. I hate unnecessary taxes and congressional pork.

Yet, despite all that, I love this country.

I love freedom. I love the American flag and everything it symbolizes. I love those who have and continue to sacrifice themselves for America. I love corn dogs and listening to Toby Keith. I love our tradition, our strength and our superiority.

But you know what truly slays me? No, it’s not the other nations that hate America, democracy and Judeo-Christian values. It’s not even the liberals who have views that happen to dissent with my own. Hey, I may side with Hannity, but I still respect Colmes.

No, what really gets to me is the many Judases in our midst. It’s the Americans who hate America. The ones who receive all the benefits of being American citizens but refuse to be grateful for the many opportunities offered to us. The Aaron Burrs, the Rosenbergs and the John Walker Lindhs are the ones that drive me nuts.

It’s the people who are all for freedom of speech as long as Ann Coulter is silent. It’s the people who ignore their civic duty and don’t vote, but continue to whine incessantly about politicians, the government and sticking it to the man. It’s the ones who threaten to move to Canada any time their candidate isn’t elected. It’s the ones who think the United Nations is the higher power we should listen to. It’s the ones who lie on their taxes and then expect the honest taxpayers to fund their social welfare programs. It’s the ones who think that all true American patriots are just silly, unsophisticated redneck yahoos who blindly wave flags and watch NASCAR and old episodes of “Hee Haw” because hey, liking America is just so not in right now. I mean, the French don’t!

We have a lot of problems, it’s true. Even I don’t like the direction our nation is taking in a lot of ways, but as Ronald Reagan once said, “Double, no triple, our troubles and we’d still be better off than any other people on earth. It is time that we recognized that ours was, in truth, a noble cause.” Respect that. Respect my desire for Americans to not be blown up by terrorists in another catastrophic national tragedy. Respect those in the military who are fighting not for a war you may disagree with, but because they want you to be safe at home and abroad. Respect the American flag because it’s a symbol for everything I love about this country and everything I wish you would appreciate too. Respect the tradition, the history and the adversity our ancestors and we too will overcome.

Dissent all you want. Vote for Hillary Clinton and abort some babies, but don’t make the terrorists jobs any easier. It’s not the differing political views that make this nation weaker; they make it stronger and reinforce our liberty. No, it’s the Americans publicly bashing even the most fundamental and pure ideals of America that make us weak and a target for mockery – and a target for defeat.

Daily Nexus Senior Copy Reader Melissa Davis finds Toby Keith patriotically sexy.