Masturbation is universal: male or female, we all do it. However, when in an active sexual relationship with an actual human being, we find that the need to spank is not so pressing and is generally forgotten.
But, if it were me, no matter how fantastic my lover was, I’d get a bit nostalgic for those nights I found myself alone in my room with nothing but my right hand. I spent all those years perfecting my form, and now I’ve got it down to an exact five-minute science, like two Hot Pockets in the microwave on drunken Saturday mornings.
You can admit it: You miss your “me” time. It’s nothing against your lover, but sometimes all you want is to come and relax, and when you’re concerned with your partner’s pleasure all the time, some selfishness can seem well-deserved.
Now, you can lock yourself in your room like old times or take an extra-long shower like other old times, but there’s a way to take regular self-abuse and launch it onto an entirely different, even more satisfying, plateau. What I suggest you do is get into bed together and watch.
We often associate someone else’s presence while we’re masturbating as embarrassing and awkward, think: mom walking in, roommate walking in, Chancellor Yang walking in – you get the idea. We’re used to masturbation being a solo mission because that’s always been our only option. However, with someone you are comfortable having sex with, whether it be boyfriend or booty call, it is an incredible turn on, especially if the two of you take turns and watch each other closely.
You know better than anyone else how to please yourself. You know where to touch and exactly how to touch it. No matter how many times you direct your partner, sometimes actions speak louder than words. With someone watching closely – and taking notes – it’s easier for them to replicate your movements so they can recreate this perfect and pleasurable scene in the future.
Perhaps the best part about masturbating in company is that you have the opportunity to not only watch, but also engage. While he is flogging the log, he doesn’t have time, or the mental presence, to lightly stroke his perineum or his balls, let alone caress the rest of his body. If she’s a hands-on kind of gal, she definitely doesn’t have a free finger to poke with, and the kisses on her neck, ears, nipples and mouth will make her melt like butter on a hot, sexy skillet. When you tackle masturbation as a team, you get all the support of a team: the vocal encouragement of dirty whispers, someone to pass the ball off to, the touchdown that keeps on giving for five seconds afterwards – or 10 if you’re going for the extra points – and the high-five afterward.
This is one of the only times you will enjoy watching someone completely engrossed in herself. As many of you know, when you masturbate you tend to block out the world and focus on the orgasm, and while she knows you’re there and is enjoying all of the active participation, her mind is focused on herself and her pleasure absolutely and positively. When you have sex, there are two orgasms involved or, at least, there should be. When you masturbate, there’s only you, babe. Men will strongly agree that the image of a woman pleasuring herself is definite boner material, and, while some women may not initially agree, all you have to do is try it once to fully understand. Plus, after each of you spend 10 to 15 minutes building up more stamina, can you imagine how great the sex is going to be afterward? You boys got that first shot out, and you ladies are primed and lubed for the experience – all night sack session ensues; nap all day tomorrow to follow.
Not only is it hot in the moment, but just imagine what this will do for your spank bank. You have vivid memories of masturbating with assistance for future times, when you are actually alone and touching yourself. And, who knows, with all that extra assistance you may find something new to add to your regular regimen.
Whenever she finds herself home alone, Daily Nexus sex columnist Nina Love Anthony resorts to teddy bears to get her fix.