Editor, Daily Nexus,

At the beginning of this school year, the new sex columnist promised us that his penis would be doing the writing. But instead he writes with a surrogate vagina. His column is best suited for the “Seventh Heaven” or “Dawson’s Creek” demographic, not the sex-crazy, alcohol-fueled demographic of Isla Vista. The Wednesday Hump should be tastefully trashy, not conservative. A good example of tastefully trashy was an old columnist, Beth Van Dyke of the 2002-03 year.

Dave Franzese’s column must sound “sweet” to the girls in Isla Vista with serious relationships, however, he’s boring as hell for the rest of us. This is UCSB! Our sex columns need to be juicy and controversial. Dave’s girlfriend probably loves his articles and, from his writing, it’s plain to see that Franzese is whipped. He has completely lost touch with his roots. Deep down inside of him, there still lives a man who probably used to hang out with his buddies, drink beer and talk dirty about girls.

I am not asking for the resignation of our current sex columnist. I’m merely offering some constructive criticism. This is probably the first time in the history of the Daily Nexus that a man has written the Wednesday Hump. Dave needs to sack-up and bring the unique perspective of an Isla Vista male to his columns. There’s nothing wrong with talking about girlfriends – but when you do it, you’ve got to make it dirty. Don’t tell us about the love you share, tell us about the crazy shit that single people miss out on because they don’t have a trustworthy partner they feel comfortable with.

Dave is a talented writer and he’s got a good sense of humor. All he needs to do is unhitch his ball and chain (wife/girlfriend), and let “Little Joe Namath” do the writing.