It’s been a nice hiatus. Unfortunately, since I’ve taken a long break from nothing, all things I.V. and UCSB went to hell.

Some jackass in the administration must’ve finally realized the foolishness of putting ashtrays right next to the doors of buildings even after the law against smoking within 20 feet of a public building was passed. Sadly, that same jackass simply took a number of them away, leaving smokers with little choice but to throw their butts on the ground.

Maybe his or her decision was based on the fact that people ought not to smoke in the first place, as it’s bad for their health – because if there aren’t ashtrays, people won’t smoke, obviously.

Coincidentally, there’s been a rather odd accumulation of cigarette butts in the spots where ashtrays used to be… like by the front door of HSSB. That’s really unfortunate because an individual’s lungs won’t have much effect on humanity, but wanton degradation of the environment will.

Maybe somebody should replace those ashtrays that disappeared. If they’re smart, they’ll put ’em at least 20 feet away from the entrance.

That’s just some minor personal bitching, though. The big shit is still on its way. Actually, it’s here: the Isla Vista parking permit plan. There is absolutely no excuse for such a ludicrous and expensive disaster. There’s no telling what kind of maniac thought that this could be the solution to the I.V. parking problem.

If this is a measure created to help the residents of I.V., then the sadist who cooked up this outrageous piece of bastardry is delusional.

The I.V. parking permit plan will not be beneficial to any single individual who lives in I.V. Not one. When some raging assmonkey like Logan Green – former A.S. internal vice president of local affairs and a fellow student for whom lynching is too good as he endorsed the plan as a representative of the students – argues in favor of the plan, the argument is usually something like this:

Students who live outside of I.V., drive to campus and park in I.V. take up all the parking spots on the 6500 blocks. So what needs to be done to improve parking in I.V.? Those cars must be eliminated. The best way to do that is to issue permits to drivers who live in I.V. However, permits would need to be printed, residents registered and, once the infrastructure is in place, the permits would need to be enforced. This is all very costly.

The obvious way to cover this cost is, of course, to charge people for the permits. Well over $100 a pop. The problem here – and it’s a doozy – is that those are the same people that the solution was supposed to help in the first place. They’re not being helped; they’re suddenly being charged for what they already got for free. They are, in fact, being actively hurt by the solution.

It’s this sort of thinking that makes people swallow bleach so that their insides are good and clean. If only the half-wits who came up with this solution had thought of that first.

Plus, all those parking spots are just gonna be taken by lazy bastards who live on the 6700 and 6800 blocks. Like me.

Just put meters on the streets near the businesses. They’re the only sane people who like this plan anyway.

How this nonsense has come this far is an even more depressing story. Have any of y’all heard the phrase “no taxation without representation” before? Yeah, well this is that – taxation without representation. Since we have no local government that in any way reflects the interests of the residents of the area, a small number of people have nearly total control over Isla Vista. We have one single elected official in the whole county, and he represents a lot more than just Isla Vista. Think about that. Last time those words were mentioned in America, there was a revolution.

Before you know it, Daily Nexus columnist Cory Anthony will be seen throwing tea bags into Santa Barbara Harbor.