Doctor Derek Writes His Final Words

It’s three in the morning, I’m blaquephaded off moonshine and I’m posted up in the middle of the Costa Rican rainforest. In times like this, I start to wonder how I’m going to survive the night without puking on myself or getting arrested and, more importantly, what led me to this situation in the first place. Considering this is the last thing I’ll write for the Nexus, I figure fuck it. Let me wipe my slate clean. Here’s a portion of what I actually learned from college:

Break the Cycle, Not the Seal

It’s a cycle as ingrained into us as peeing when we wake up. On a typical weekend afternoon, say Friday or Tuesday, you start to wonder what you’re drinking that night. If you’re underage, you start calling older friends to line up a run. If you’re of age, you try to figure out what you can buy at S.O.S. with laundry quarters.

He Said, ‘Sheed Said

Matt Connolly Looking at overall quality of work, Shaq threw it down harder than anyone in the NBA in terms of actual success. His work on the mic even crossed over to the big screen in “Kazaam” with him laying down a line to “green egg and ham it!” But I’m not going to pick […]

New Laws Can’t Stop This Party

As a wild-eyed freshman, I was blown away by my first experiences partying in Isla Vista. I’m sure that I wasn’t the only one, especially when considering the amount of barf that appeared in the Anacapa bathrooms during those first few months. Yet when I would talk to my cool, older friends about how wild […]

He Said, He Said, He Said, He Said

Let’s get this out of the way first, because I hate the NBA East: The Cavaliers are going to the finals. LeBron is obviously unbelievable, and with his supporting cast, Cleveland makes the rest of the conference collectively look like an Al Davis-coached AAU team.

Floatopia Craze Threatens I.V.’s Party Culture

Wandering through the crowds at the last Floatopia, bro-bumping everyone in sight and pounding cut-rate malt liquor with a mob of friends, I was having an unfathomably good time. Suddenly coming into a clearing among the people, I came across a guy running in circles like a gorilla, throwing mud and terrorizing anyone around him. […]


Let’s face it folks, the economy has been suffering for months, and all indications of the future portend much of the same. The Big Three automakers are dying at a continually hastened pace, the banks themselves are bankrupt and small communities across the United States have resorted to printing their own money to prevent the […]

SB Whips Wildcats

The UCSB women’s club volleyball team won the NIRSA Division 1 National Championship with a 25-23, 25-21 drubbing of the University of Arizona Saturday night in Kansas City, Missouri. According to sen ior middle blocker and Club Team President Kinsey Johnson, the club has become a star on the national stage in the three short years since she helped found it.

Women’s Club Volleyball

The women’s club volleyball team beat Arizona to win the NCCS National Championship. Catch the recap tomorrow.

Men’s Tennis

Men’s tennis manhandled Loyola Marymount 6-1 in its final game before conference playoffs. Catch the recap tomorrow.

Unearth Your Inner Futsukayoi

Early in the morning in Kobe, Japan, I witnessed my friend puke in an alley behind our hotel while our host yelled “Futsukayoi!” over and over. Multiple mornings over this past, particularly heinous weekend, I noticed many people wake up, drink a beer or slap a bag of wine and get immediately hammered. Hell, Monday morning I crashed my bike into a fence on the way to class. The culprit in every inexplicable instance of immediate inebriation? The sponge effect.

Spring Is for Fans, the Final Four Was Not

Call it a hangover from the NCAA National Championship (as well as the weekend no doubt), but I’m feeling underwhelmed with the sporting world at the moment.

Matadors Torch Santa Barbara

It was a hell of a run, but it couldn’t make it all the way.

On March 13, the UCSB men’s basketball team fell to Big West Champion Cal State Northridge 67-60 in the semifinal match of the conference tournament. The loss ended an impressive second half of the season by the Gauchos, who pulled themselves out of the very bottom of the Big West to finish fourth in the season and beat Fullerton 73-64 in the tournament quarterfinals.

Gauchos Bury Long Beach

Saturday night the Gauchos (8-8 Big West, 15-14 overall) toppled Long Beach State (10-6, 15-14) 76-75, overcoming a six-point deficit in the final four minutes.

IM Basketball Edition

Move over ’72 Miami Dolphins, The Rimjobs are the new measure of perfection. After blowing their way through Sunday night’s excuse for a B-League, The Rimmies are ready to physically and orally decimate any opponent come playoffs.

Unlike my officemate’s team the Rimjobs, whose name casts immediate doubt on their levels of both class and manliness, The Men’s Center basketball team boasts a roster that is the zenith of manhood, and our players carry our uniformed selves on the court with positively exemplary gentlemanly values.