Step 1: Check to see if you have a brain
Knock knock! Who’s there? It’s your cerebral cortex, silly! Give your ol’ dome a couple of hearty taps with your knuckles to make sure that little rascal is still rattling around in there. Your brain is going to be very important for these next steps, so you want to make sure it’s sitting safe and sound at home. If it turns out your brain has gone missing and you’re in need of a new one, meet me behind Buchanan. I know a guy.
Step 2: Find yourself
Choo choo! Looks like our train is pulling into the Meditation Station! A clear mind and a healthy mindset are your two best weapons when approaching the spelling of any word, especially one with this many syllables! When your mind is clear of negative thoughts born from failed spelling tests and embarrassing spelling bee performances, there’s no brain baggage holding you back from nailing those vowels!
Step 3: Go paleo
Uh oh, our train seems to have taken a wrong turn. We’re in your small intestine! When it comes to mental acuity, a healthy gut ecosystem is just as important for your brain as a good night’s sleep! Get those filthy grains out of here, I don’t wanna see them! Dairy? Never heard of her! Meat’s on the menu tonight! A paleo diet is the perfect way to bring your digestive system back to the glory of the Paleolithic era and get that gut ecosystem flourishing. (P.S. For a word as big as this, it’s recommended you start the paleo diet two weeks in advance to give your body ample time to flush out the grain juju.)
Step 4: Hype yourself up!
Hey champ! You got this! Confidence is key, and you’re going to need all the confidence you can get before you approach this challenge. Get your hair done, spend a little more time on your makeup, let some Tinder boys desperately throw compliments your way in an attempt to get into your pants; whatever you need to do! We also suggest practicing spelling some smaller words in the mirror. Be careful not to get too ambitious, however. You don’t want to blow your six-syllable load before you get to the main event!
Step 5: Spell Nexustentialism
You’ve done all the prep you can possibly do, and you’re finally ready. Pick out your favorite pencil and some nice stationary, light a couple candles and sit down in a comfortable chair. Now, slowly but surely, put those pesky letters down: N-E-X-U-S-T-E-N-T-I-A-L-I-S-M. Boom! I knew you could do it. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done, champ!
Chace Duma fears no man; he does, however, fear six-syllable words.
Emma Demorest is the editor of Nexustentialism. She once licked the largest wooden yoyo in the world.