Lately, word has gotten around about so-called FSSP “Hall Genius,” Albert C. Todd, romping the halls of San Nicolas.
“Yeah, we were just playing truth or dare… and drinking,” whispered freshman Hugh Skule with a smirk, quickly checking his periphery for RAs. “And he chose truth. We asked him what the worst thing he did back in the good ol’ days [see: high school] was. Albert told us that one time he stayed up until 1 a.m. playing Minecraft instead of studying for an AP Latin exam, almost forfeiting his 4.35 GPA and his 97.3% in the class to a bad test. I guess it is a bit odd that he was so specific with the numbers… but we were too in awe at their immensity to care.”
However, Todd isn’t always this sly when it comes to talking about his high school prowess.
“I was just minding my business in the bathroom, doing my morning business,” explained freshman Grant P. Anderson with an embarrassed chuckle. “Then somebody came in and started shouting about their high school accolades. Their GPA, their ACT score… suffice to say, it literally impressed the shit out of me.”
“Not that I didn’t know who it was,” continues Anderson. “Albert is a bit of a legend around these parts. I mean, do you know what his GPA was?”
Todd can now be found around San Nicolas Hall, taking pictures with his adoring fans and shirking any and all studying — which he “doesn’t need to do to get an A.”
Chace Duma’s ACT score was higher than yours.
Emma Demorest is the assistant editor of Nexustentialism. She once licked the largest wooden yoyo in the world.