Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Isla Vista is notorious for being devoid of parking spaces; there’s no greater rage than when you think you’ve found a parking spot, but it turns out to be the entrance to someone’s driveway. Therefore, I’ve compiled this list of places you can park in IV. You’re welcome.

1. Park in any parking spot that you want.

Hey, you’re already paying $36,000 to go to UCSB, and they’re going to charge an extra $600 just to park your car? Fuck that shit. Park wherever you want! Who cares? We’re all going to die anyway.

2. Park in front of the red curb.

Get back at all those officers who have ever given you a parking ticket at Pardall and park in front of the red curb. Better yet, park in front of the red curb in front of I.V. Foot Patrol. Can you say, “Power move?”

3. Take someone else’s spot.

There’s no bigger flex than parking in someone else’s spot. Assert your dominance around your apartment complex and take that open spot. Take your landlord’s spot, take your roommate’s spot, take the neighbor’s spot, who cares? You pay rent there too. And if someone publicly shames you on Free and For Sale, then congratulations, you’ve made it.

4. Park in faculty parking.

You’re the professor now.

5. Park in the ocean.

This is more of a last resort. If there’s literally no where else to park, park in the ocean, and then sue UCSB for the water damage to your car.

Hope this was helpful, and I hope that a parking spot opens up soon so that I can move my car out of Sands.

Christina Muoio wants to Venmo charge UCSB for the gas she’s used up trying to park in I.V.