Isla Vista, CA – According to several witnesses, the residents of the 67 block of DP are now split into two halves: those who are staunch Bird advocates and those who prefer Limes. A turf war has been started, tearing the block apart.
“Everyone knows Limes are superior,” third-year economics and accounting major Rob Robertson said. “You can’t get an LUI — Liming Under the Influence, for those of you uneducated folk — but you can get a BUI: Birding Under the Influence. Checkmate, Bird enthusiasts.”
Bird supporters heavily disagree. “At least Birds aren’t green. That shit is so unattractive, it’s not funny. No wonder Lime users are all still virgins,” fifth-year dance major Albert Albertson said. “Birds helped me lose my virginity. Can your shitty Lime do that?”
According to research conducted by UCSB, the Bird v. Limes argument is so fucking stupid. “They’re just scooters. It’s really not that big of a deal,” a researcher who doesn’t want to be caught up in this mess stated. “Like, it really doesn’t matter. You can’t ride either on campus, anyway.”
The Limes v. Birds debate is still in full force this morning, as residents of the 67 block are still arguing. Whether or not this debate will ever truly be solved remains to be seen.
Christina Muoio thinks that Birds and Limes are the dumbest thing to be brought to Isla Vista.