Wacky Columnist’s Jokes Degrade Political Process
As a passive observer during these times of virulent electoral conflagration, I feel too little is being said about the nature of the political contests of our time.
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Please Don’t Try to Bike Over the Hump Pls
Labyrinth: Grades Search
Aries
March 21 - April 19
Choked by their cap tassel during a graduation photoshoot
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Accidentally daps the Chancellor up as they receive their diploma
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
Decided to skip commencement to go day drink on Del Playa
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Ugly crying so hard they drown out "Pomp and Circumstance"
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Posing on stage like there's a model scout in the audience (there was)
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Can't make it up the steps due to the sheer amount of cords, stoles, and leis
Libra
September 23 - October 22
Couldn't decide on a grad dress so they showed up in pajamas under their gown
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
Showed up to commencement high and suffering from horrendous munchies
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Somehow juggling the 15 ceremonies required for their triple major
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
Graduated with a 5 year plan, chronic anxiety, and a great internship
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Reading Kafka in the audience in hopes of an honorary English degree
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
had their graduation photos taken in the lagoon to be different
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