I don’t quite understand why celebrities tend to die in clusters. Johnnie Cochran, Terri Schiavo, the pope and – most tragically – Mitch Hedberg all croaked within a few days of each other, and it seems like this sort of phenomenon has happened before. Like, uh, when… uh… crap. OK, so I don’t have any other examples. Never mind, it’s a freak coincidence. Carrot Top is safe. Perfectly safe.

Monday’s forecast: Jerry Falwell, however…