California is the 43rd smartest state in the country, according to a survey that ranks public education systems nationwide (in other words, sixth dumbest). We narrowly beat intellectual powerhouse Alabama. The smartest state, Massachusetts, is located entirely indoors, so it’s not a very fair comparison. Still, I blame our unintelligence on an inexcusable lack of witch-burning education in the lower grades.

Wednesday’s forecast: The No Child Left Behind Act continues to favor those damned Nebraskans.