Sure, you’re mildly annoyed by the craze. You don’t want to hear about vampires without their shirts on, but mostly you don’t want to hear the hideous shrieks of that girl that can’t be more that, what, eleven!? You don’t know the worst of it though. There actually exists a Twilight vibrator, and yes, as you may be wondering, it does sparkle. In honor of the newest movie you can buy New Moon-themed chocolate filled with –what else?– creme. But this is just the beginning, it’s really only a matter of time before people will be going to the ‘bank’ and making their own Edward babies.

Tomorrow’s Forecast: Disappointment at pale babies with bad teeth. And they’re British.