Proposed Storke Tower haunting raises ethical quandary

Earlier this week, UC Santa Barbara’s Administrative Services Division announced that they were looking to hire a ghost, ghoul, goblin or gargoyle to haunt Storke Tower this Halloween season.

The Administrative Services Division describes itself as “[providing] the systems and services that create an ooky-spooky campus environment,” and believes that introducing a ghastly spectre will improve student horror and foster a sense of agony on campus. Sightings, stalkings and possessions are all going to be implemented in the hopes of building a “campus lore” that students will be eager to contribute to.

This initiative could potentially raise the University’s national rankings, which has declined in recent years. Elite schools such as Ohio State University and the University of Notre Dame each boast campus ghosts alongside their highly ranked academics. While no definitive research has been done regarding the correlation between on-campus hauntings, scholastic quality and student performance, the University is optimistic about the impact this initiative will have on academics. The Administrative Services Division has dubbed this project the Storke Tower Haunting Initiative, aka STHI (pronounced ST-EYE).

While the University seeks to implement STHI, criticisms about the working conditions the potential campus ghoulie may have to endure have been levied. Monster and human advocacy groups have spoken up about the global plight of the monster working class; monsters worldwide are three times as likely to face unsafe or unfair working conditions when compared to human counterparts, and UCSB could potentially contribute to the problem.

The Daily Nexus sat down with Garreth Stonework III, President of the Monster Workers Union (MWU) and fifth-generation haunted gargoyle to talk about the kinds of issues monsters face in the workplace. 

“The most common kind of work open to monsters is Halloween gig work, the kind UCSB is looking for. Low wage, job insecurity, no benefits, y’know?” Stonework said. 

Stonework also mentioned that lack of benefits is a major concern for monsters in the workplace, an issue that MWU hopes to tackle going forward.

“And employers are usually like: ‘You’re a gargoyle, whaddaya need healthcare for?’” Stonework said. “And I says to ‘em, ‘Look, stone deteriorates, and we’re lookin’ at a Super El Niño that’s gonna dump enough rain to erode my nuts away…’” 

A lack of healthcare may not be the only problem with the position. Anonymous sources provided the Nexus with a copy of the job listing, and the University is offering hours and wages that would be illegal to offer a human. Overnight shifts, no breaks and zero hazard pay are all requirements for the role, yet it’s not uncommon to see such conditions in monster work.

Campus advocacy group Student Coalition Against Monster Mistreatment (SCAMM) is planning a week’s worth of demonstrations on the Storke Tower lawn. In an interview with the Nexus, SCAMM President Thea Gene Groblin called out administrators for failing to treat monsters as they would humans. 

“The administration should be ashamed to think they can treat respectable, hardworking monsters this way, which is why SCAMM feels it’s our responsibility to raise our voices in opposition to what we’re seeing,” Groblin said.

When the Nexus reached out to the Administrative Services Division for comment, an unidentified representative from the STHI committee replied with a short statement. 

“While we understand the frustration the monster community feels, we are unable to provide more comprehensive benefits and pay for the position at this time. We may make the Storke Tower Ghoul a full time role, should the University deem STHI a success,” the statement read. 

The STHI representative refused to elaborate on what criteria would make STHI “successful.”

Ghee is currently being haunted by midterms and DMs from S.T.E.M. majors.