Sick Halloween enthusiast overdoses on cough drops while trick-or-treating

Autumn is the perfect time for feeling wistful, baking treats and one of the most highly anticipated activities: trick-or-treating. However, something that coincides with these spooky festivities that few wish to participate in is the cold and flu season that creeps up this time of year.

The students of UC Santa Barbara are so enthusiastic about Halloween that they begin their spooky celebrations weeks in advance. Leading up to the holiday, come Friday nights, the streets are lined with ghouls, goblins and party animals alike out on the prowl for festivities.

For first-year art major Peter Skellington, Halloween night is the most important evening of the year, for the sole reason of being able to obtain exorbitant amounts of candy. He has his sights set on a bountiful harvest of sugary treats to feast on, and refuses to be deterred by pesky illnesses.

“While others may lazily throw together their costumes at the last minute, I begin planning my costume for next year the morning of Nov. 1! This is necessary to create a costume that will help me obtain the most candy,” Skellington told the Nexus.

Going out with friends, attending classes and studying for midterms all fall to the wayside in favor of preparing for Skellington’s favorite day. However, a week before the candy countdown clock was set to strike, a metaphorical and literal chill began to creep upon the candy connoisseur. 

“It started with a sniffle, nothing crazy y’know? I just figured it was allergies or something that would clear up after a day or so,” Skellington said.

Skellington told the Nexus that he had the foresight to purchase a box of cough drops and throat lozenges when his pesky sniffles persisted and later developed into a sore throat, despite his efforts to eradicate any signs of sickness from his body.

On the evening of Oct. 16, Skellington, with multiple pillow cases in hand, a route for optimized candy collection and his throat lozenges, was ready for action. 

Unfortunately, it seemed the residents of Isla Vista were not on the same page with Halloween plans as Skellington.

“For whatever reason a lot of people in I.V.  just don’t feel like sharing their candy! They kept offering me alcohol, claiming they didn’t even have any, but I knew they were lying because they had a lot of ‘gummy’ candies,” Skellington said. “Of course I still ate and drank what they gave me because I’ll be damned if I don’t get at least one piece of candy by the end of the night, even if it is just weird-tasting gummies.” 

Skellington’s night took a turn for the better when a glowing jack-o’-lantern in the distance drew him to the stoop of a house, upon which he found a bowl full of individually wrapped chocolates. Above the bowl, a slip of paper in the shape of a mushroom read “Please take one :)”.

Skellington, with his runny nose and mostly empty pillowcase — save for his lozenges — made a decision. Skellington reports that in his hurry to sprint away after depositing the contents of the bowl into his pillowcase, that he stumbled which resulted in his candy and medicine spilling out everywhere. Despite the fall, Skellington rapidly shoveled the miscellaneous candies back into his bag before continuing on his way, nibbling on his bounty as he did so. He was so lost in his sugary joy, that he failed to notice he was gleefully devouring his lozenges in addition to his candy.

Skellington chalked up the dizziness and nausea he was feeling to the exertion typical of the trick-or-treating hustle. 

Once Skellington reached the final house on his block, victory was so close he could almost taste the candy melting on his tongue. A tongue which now felt limp in his mouth, as his vision began to fog and his torso began to sway. Lead feet made their way up the steps, and he weakly knocked on the door. 

Unfortunately for Skellington the combination of alcohol, 73 throat lozenges, 18 gummy ‘candies,’ 11 ‘chocolates’ and a three mile walk fared too much for his body, as he promptly passed out on the doorstep with paramedics hitting the scene soon after.

Skellington has since recovered, having sworn off candy, promising to spend the rest of the Halloween season partying and drinking with others.

Charlie A. Newsance is gonna be mindful of the gummies they consume this spooky season.