Sex and the community
Any true lover of sex knows that the location matters not. The bed, the couch, the ZBT bathroom — the world truly is your oyster (or your clam, I should say).
Despite the stereotype that college is the best place for sexual exploration, Isla Vista life poses many challenges to crazy sex that do not occur so frequently in the adult world: roommates, non-functional door locks and, worst of all, twin beds. Many Gauchos have the privilege of graduating to a double bed once they move out of the dorms and into I.V., but it may surprise you to discover that yours truly sleeps (in every sense of the word) on a twin XL.
As someone who has enjoyed the spoils of sleeping on a king bed in my childhood bedroom, the downgrade to my dorm-level bed is obvious: worse sleep, worse dreams and worse sex. Even more treacherous was my bed in my San Miguel triple freshman year that was about six inches away from the ceiling and constantly on the verge of falling apart.
However, do not let your bed limit your greatest sexual years. Whether you live in a dorm, apartment complex, house or garage, you can still get the greatest dick of your life.
- Different positions for different places
This might be most important for my dorm lifers. Your bed is likely squeaky, impossible to sit up in and five feet off the ground. It depends on your dorm and your setup, but in my room, it was practically impossible to have sex in any position other than missionary and a very close prone.
My greatest advice is as follows: if you want to do anything actually interesting, you have to get creative. The dorm bed ladder can actually be shockingly convenient (plenty to grab onto). Throwing your comforter on the floor can create a makeshift bed with more space. Besides, it’s easier to ride on the floor when you don’t have to deal with pushing into the mattress.
Even the dreaded anti-suicide chairs present a range of possibilities. If you’re lucky enough to live in a room with space, you might even have a cute bean bag or a stylish Target chair or some bullshit.
Don’t feel confined to the bed! If you want intimate missionary, that’s the place to have it. But bring the craziness elsewhere.
- Stand the fuck up
For those of us who have access to the luxury of a stand-alone bed, standing up is an underrated tool for maximizing your space and sexual pleasure. Standing missionary, if that’s the right word for it, is frequently better than the normal thing. Same with standing doggy.
Also, standing head is an underrated sexual act that can happen literally anywhere. The norms of sex are so lying-down centric, but standing completely changes the game. You also don’t have to deal with so much space negotiation.
- Get creative with toys
An “Inside Out”-level core memory of mine was with my male Instagram baddie influencer Parisian sneaky link when he told me, “Une entreprise m’a envoyé une boîte à jouets,” or “a brand sent me a toybox.” As it was one month away from Christmas, he then proceeded to bring out a PR package: the famous sex toy advent calendar. The cherry on top of this situation was “Careless Whisper” playing on the TV.
While this man did not sleep on a twin XL, the array of sex toys offered a lot of creativity that didn’t require much space. When you’re crammed into your tiny bed that’s six inches away from the ceiling, activities like oral can be more logistically difficult. More options = more options!
All in all, it will be difficult to recreate honeymoon-level California King insanity in your dorm or on your shitty Amazon twin bedframe. You need to have creativity, patience and willingness to experiment in your relationship … or with many different people.
Diana Paradise thinks that size isn’t that important.
