Madeline Bryce/Daily Nexus

The nation has been rocked by the news of President Donald Trump’s recent territorial acquisition, which the administration claims is part of his latest bid to increase the national security of the United States. 

Earlier this week, the Trump administration announced that Solvang, a Danish-style town in California’s Santa Ynez Valley, is now officially “under U.S. control” and will be added to what officials call “the strong legacy of U.S. strength and democracy.” 

This announcement immediately raised widespread confusion, as Solvang is located in California, which is itself already part of the United States.

“I’ve done it. Denmark didn’t stand a chance. This is the most important acquisition in the entire history of America. No president before me has ever gotten such an important territory,” Trump reportedly said while unveiling a large map of California with Solvang circled in red marker. 

Reports emerging from the White House suggest that Trump decided to pursue Solvang after seeing images of the town’s iconic windmills, half-timbered buildings and bakeries filled with Æbleskiver. Multiple White House correspondents suspect the president believed he was viewing pictures of Greenland, and became frustrated when he was unable to find a listed purchase price. 

On his Truth Social page, Trump vented this frustration. 

“Where are the Zillow pages for countries? How are GLORIOUS nations that are very WEALTHY supposed to buy MORE land to make it all GREAT AGAIN? But I am VERY smart and found LAND that DENMARK–sweet little Denmark–can’t CONTROL because they are very WEAK,” Trump posted. 

One senior official couldn’t resist admiring Trump for his success. 

“Solvang didn’t put up a fight at all; they accepted America as its true leader and they couldn’t wait to be part of our democracy. No U.S. president in history has gotten land for free, no one has ever been a businessman like him before,” the official said.

Administration officials echoed the president’s enthusiasm for the acquisition. 

“I mean, I think this news speaks for itself and demonstrates the glory and power of our president. This is the first new territory added to the U.S. since the Marshall Islands, but no territory has been so crucial to our national defense,” the official said.

Members of the Solvang community have also commented on this takeover, and the perception that they weren’t previously part of America. Marcus Lee, a business owner that has been living in Solvang for 27 years gave a comment.

“I was born in Santa Barbara. I just sell pastries. The only real security initiative you can take in Solvang is protecting the ostriches from avian flu,” Lee said. 

The latest news emerging from the White House hints that Trump is said to be “taking a serious look” at Epcot’s Norway Pavilion, which he has reportedly described as “probably Scandinavia’s capital.” 

Serrano Ham congratulates the president on his latest success.