British student freaks out over being mistaken for Australian again

‘G’Day’ was almost ‘G’Night’ for an anonymous student from the United Kingdom studying abroad at UC Santa Barbara who made a figurative and literal splash in response to a miscommunication about their home being down under.

The student’s identity must remain anonymous at this time due to pending charges. The student will be referred to as “Samuel” for the sake of this report.

The first few weeks of UCSB’s fall quarter began pleasantly, with students getting into the routine of classes, making friends and joining clubs, all while soaking up the rays at the beach.

An incident spiraled out of control from what was thought to be a pleasant interaction with a fellow student who Samuel considered a tentative friend. In response to the current heatwave baking Santa Barbara County, the student had jovially inquired about what it was like to grow up in Australia, leaving the alleged Aussie perplexed. According to Samuel, this is far from the first occasion they have been mistaken for an Australian.

“I thought it couldn’t get worse than the first time someone asked if I was from Australia. It was bad enough that I was in Britain talking to some other British bloke when he asked. I thought goin’ overseas would at least make things a bit betta,” Samuel said.

Upon realizing that their accent had been mistaken for Australian, when in fact their blood was a concentrate of Yorkshire Gold, Samuel had seemingly one course of action.

The morning of Oct. 12, Samuel took 250 boxes of tea from an array of British tea brands: PG Tips, Yorkshire Gold, Twinings, Tetley, along with others, and steeped them in the lagoon as a public display of their patriotism to the Crown.

As other students caught a whiff of the spectacle and learned of the underlying story, they were faced with a delicate dilemma.

“No one wanted to be the one to tell them, I mean come on. Recreating the Boston Tea Party? Not the best way to show love for England,” one passerby commented.

Upon uncovering that the large majority of onlooking students drew more threads between the historic rebellion with Great Britain of 1773, and not their own devotion to their home country, they were decidedly dejected, with the demonstration falling apart soon after.

Currently, Samuel is under mild investigation of endangering the wildlife residing within the lagoon.

“I actually thought it gave the water a nice flavor,” Fishbert, a lagoon resident, testified.

When asked for any last comments, Samuel had only this to say: 

“My only crime was loving my country.”

When asked whether that country was America or Australia, Samuel added one more thing:

“Bloody* hell!”

*The use of the word “bloody” was questioned as potential grounds for being Australian, however when asked, Samuel simply launched into another string of curses. None of which helped prove their case.

Charlie A. Newsance is currently in the hospital after drinking lagoon flavored tea.