Aliens (maybe) invade Isla Vista!

On Saturday, Oct. 10, UC Santa Barbara’s student population was rendered completely shocked by what is believed to have been an extraterrestrial event, featuring a fiery streak blazing through the starlit sky. 

Around 12:45 a.m., students began sharing personal accounts of the incident online. At first glance it might have been a shooting star, but the surrounding hellish red glow signified it as something much more sinister. The Daily Nexus has launched an investigation into this major event. 

A photo included below depicts the UFO, captured by a curious student and posted on their Instagram with the caption “WTFFFF.” Other notable reactions include a Reddit post from user @bb.booty which was titled “OMG I almost got abducted by aliens!!!!”

“I cannot even omg, yknow how sometimes ppl ask like the icebreaker question have u ever had a near-death experience, and before tonight like I always said no BUT thennnn … okok lemme set the scene for y’all I was walking back from ur typical IV night when I see a f*cking alien spaceship in the f*cking sky!!! like how is that even possible ??? and I know I wasn’t tripping bc I ran out of shrooms like last weekend and I lit only had like 3 gummies bro” @bb.booty’s post reads.

 While the credibility of user @bb.booty report is left in question under the influence of psychoactive substances, other fully sober students share similar questions and concerns. 

Searches including keywords “space,” “aliens” and “extraterrestrial” have skyrocketed — no pun intended. The mystery of the hurtling object has left UCSB’s students not only perplexed and desperately searching for answers on the internet, but also fearing for their lives. 

Second-year biology major Rafael Ramirez-Lopez shared his thoughts on what happened. 

“I was just so scared when I saw that thing in the sky. I thought we were all done for, either blasted to bits by a rock from space or invaded by some alien species,” Ramirez-Lopez said. “I’m sorry I’m getting too nervous talking about this.” 

First-year psychology major Lily Daniels, who did not witness the event, claims to be equally traumatized for reasons unrelated to aliens.

“It felt like my whole building shook, and I live in FT on the 11th floor. I thought I was either going to die in an earthquake or my roommate brought another guy home,” Daniels said.

In light of this frightening astronomic event, UCSB’s student body has experienced a polarization. One group pursues a rational train of inquiry, for example researching the recent  activities by companies like SpaceX that could provide an explanation. The other side has been claiming more supernatural forces are at play, even daring to theorize there are otherworldly lifeforms in our ranks. 

We spoke to one such conspiracy theorist, fourth-year film and media studies major Evan Guggenheim who wore a tinfoil hat throughout the entirety of the interview.

 “They’re here with us now – we all have to be really careful. I think they got my barista — she looked at me really weird when I ordered my coffee this morning,” Guggenheim said. “Only an alien posing as a human could act that way towards a customer.” 

When we questioned Guggenheim on his unique hat, he refused to comment. 

Ina Pickle recommends walking in zig zags to avoid getting beamed up.