Aloha! Are you tired of all of this noise on campus? Are you bored of hearing about discrimination in your ethnicity requirement? Are you ready for a getaway from all the partying, tanning and being just a girl? Join your sisters in learning how to truly change the world in an immersive woke liberal trip! 

Local sorority Kappa Nu Tau (KNT) announced that they will be traveling to Maui’s Ritz-Carlton resort later this month in order to become educated on Polynesian culture and to maybe be less racist.

KNT sisters report their excitement for the experience ahead.

“I’m really excited to learn about the Asian people or whatever,” second-year psychological and brain sciences major and KNT merch designer Kacie Andrew said. “But what I’m more excited about is our tropical TG this week with Ligma Pi. I can’t wait to wear my coconut bra!”

The trip’s organizer has planned a rigorous and educational itinerary for KNT’s weekend.

“The second we land, we’ll all have Mai Tais waiting for us in the rooms,” third-year communication major and KNT social chair Emily Emerson said. “Then, for breakfast the next day, we’ll have Piña Coladas and go snorkeling. Then, we’re going to a sacred beach where we’ll have the opportunity to pet newborn endangered baby seals!”

Members of KNT hope to reiterate the importance of trips like these for the good of the Hawaiian or whatever “people.”

“Hawai‘i would be nothing without people like us. I mean, they love tourists! The good of the local economy depends on us going there,” fourth-year pre-biology major and KNT president Julia White said. “Plus, they love us so much! I heard the front desk proletarians even give you ‘lays’ when you arrive.”

However, some sisters are concerned about how the islands will receive them.

“I heard a lot of these salty Hawaiians get mad when you go. I mean, it’s the United States! You don’t hear people from L.A. getting mad when you go there,” second-year dance major and KNT self-tan director Grace Thomas said. “They need to stop 


Nexustentialism reached out to the Maui Ritz-Carlton’s staff to inquire about their excitement for the upcoming trip.

“Girl whatever,” the hotel’s communication director Maile Alohi said.

Joseph R. Biden says you are entitled to the world.