Foreseeable by no one and absolutely unprecedented, Isla Vista residents were stunned on Oct. 6 when the raucous college town suddenly fell into the Pacific Ocean.
While it was difficult to conduct interviews and remain afloat, your dependable Daily Stench correspondent still headed to the scene by swimming out of their apartment and into this modern-day Atlantis to gather thoughts and reactions from fellow I.V. residents.
I can only describe the scene as chaotic — water and waves stretching beyond the eye can see — though there is consistency to the litter and trash floating around: bikes, furniture and questionable recreational objects and paraphernalia. The occasional handle of alcohol and piece of food floated alongside more troubling objects like cars and electrical appliances. There is a clear line between what has fallen into the ocean and what remains, and a group of students living on Picasso Road expressed excitement at the prospect of finally having a nearby beach that didn’t “fucking suck ass.”
Some students banded together with various wildlife creatures in order to forage for food, others merely drifted about on surfboards (whether real or makeshift), while some still headed to work, as they couldn’t afford to miss their shift. One Isla Vistan noted that they tried to call out and told their manager of what was occurring only to be told, “Make sure you’re dry by the time you start your shift.”
One student was enjoying a dayger when the event occurred, he says, “I just thought it was like Floatopia 3.0 or something, but then I swam home and realized my apartment, the whole street and everything around me was still underwater. Do you think classes will be canceled?”
A different resident expressed their shock, saying, “It’s just totally crazy. Like, yeah, parts of DP houses have been falling into the ocean every now and then, and yeah, climate change and rising sea levels and all of that, and I guess I DID make that pact with that eldritch entity, but, like, I didn’t think it would actually happen, you know? I thought maybe it was some kind of early Halloween prank or that they were filming a movie here.”
Once they began to swim away, I overheard someone from the administration joke, “It looks like we’ll have to change our ads from saying beachside to oceanside.” When pressed for a comment, UC Santa Barbara stated that they had “no intentions” of canceling classes as “U(you) Can Study Buoyantly.”
Soggy Freshman ordered underwater Duffl.