Fart Tent / Daily Nexus

Hear ye, hear ye! Thee smalle village of Manzanita hath indeed declared the need for a village idiot! Ere-yesterday, betwixt the hours of 5 p.m. and 9 p.m., the council of elders of Manzanita didst gather in the center of De Anza and declared that they would elect a fool. This idea arose æfter Jedediah Harbinger, third-year heathen studies major, didst appear before the council and, as is recorded, he spake thusly: “If we art truly a village, then must we not proclaim a mayor?” This statement was the cause of much mirth and merriment from the assembled folks, for truly Jedediah is a fool if he believes Manzanita village to be a true village. The chortles did indeed spark an idea. 

“We shall have ourselves a merry fool!” Goodie Chastity, fourth-year heathen studies major, didst proclaim. 

Alas, it was afeared she was a witch, and she was banish’ed from the meeting place. Æfter the alarms were sounded and the curse’d hag was ousted from the meeting, another good man spoke his piece: “I, too, believe it would be joyus, nay, t’would gladden the heart to have among our midsts such an individual as says such tomfoolery,” said Ezekiel Christson, second-year heathen studies major. “If thoust do agree, I prithee, raise thine arms in firm support and let thy voices be heard.”

As if possessed by one man, the arms of the assembled crowd did rise up, and it was decided. Tho the counsel did decide that an idiot would be elected, the election will take place tomorrow, as both candidates need till the morn to prepare, both body and soul. Hosanna Dimas, third-year heathen studies major and Eunice Whemper, second-year heathen studies major, were both maids of good character and promising nature. Alas, at press time fate befell such that Dimas was slain by the pox, whereas Whemper’s humors were unbalanced and she didst fall into hysterics. Whemper, who last Saint’s day was seen to speak with great fervor to a crowd of assembled cattle, is hope’d to make a recovery and return to the race. Likewise, as the Lord hath seen fit to claim Dimas, her candidacy must needs fall to her eldest son, Jeremiah, first-year heathen studies major, who shalt carry on her message. Tomorrow at first light, the election shall commence and may the purest soul win. This shall be all from the pulpit this day; good morn to you all.

Clark Can’t would like to let the owner of a white BMW know that their lights are on.