Sierra Vakili / Daily Nexus

What a weekend! From overhearing the police saying “bro” over their loudspeaker to seeing some of the worst sunburns I have ever had the displeasure of seeing, there was certainly a lot going on on the lovely streets of Isla Vista this weekend. Despite seeing a lot of unsafe and even silly behavior this weekend, I was able to catch up with a fellow Gauchos who had safety on her mind during this Deltopia. 

“I saw the movie ‘Hereditary’ one time, and the main girl gets her head knocked off because she had an allergic reaction to peanuts or something. I didn’t want to take that risk during Deltopia and made sure to have my EpiPen on me.” said third-year Kelsey Chu. 

Interestingly, when I got to see Chu’s outfit, there was no EpiPen in sight. Holding nothing but a phone in her hands, Chu looked absolutely gorgeous in her SHEIN bikini top and Target skirt. When asked if she was carrying a purse throughout the day, Chu smirked and claimed to not be “one of those weak bitches.” I was left dumbfounded as to where Chu could’ve possibly stored her EpiPen.

“Honestly, I had that shit in my pussy. It already has a plastic case on it that’s clean, so I wasn’t really worried about it. I feel like there’s not really a difference between an EpiPen or a tampon, and I wasn’t gonna carry it around in my hands, so I thought, why not. Better safe than sorry, right?” Chu explained. 

Luckily, there was no emergency in which Chu actually had to use her EpiPen, and it was safely removed from her vagina at the end of Deltopia. In the end, it’s important to realize that sometimes fashion comes before everything except your physical health, which is not ever to be fucked with, even if it means using that pussy as a pocket.

Fart Tent tied her house keys to her shoelaces.