Dear Mrs. Incredible, 

Happy Mother’s Day! You probably already know this, but you are the ultimate mother, the MILF of all MILFs. Oh, how I long to lovingly nestle my face against your ample bosom, reverting to a childlike state of coziness and dependency. To put it more plainly — your Mommy Milkers make me go nom nom and wish I was Jack-Jack. How I feel about you is simply Freudian, and it honestly scares the shit out of me. 

Anyway… in all seriousness, you are a really great mom. You never fail to protect your children, and you’re a perfect example of what a mom should be: loving, fierce, kind, elastic and thick as hell. Remember the time you made yourself into a boat? Yeah, that was so sick.

I love you. 

Sincerely, 

Migraine Mommy

Migraine Mommy is begging you not to tell her real mom about this.