Aly Witmer / Daily Nexus

With the changing of the year, we had to bid farewell to a beloved staple of Isla Vistan life: flavored vape pods. We at the Nexus are taking this departure especially hard, but fear not! I am here to guide you through alternative flavorings to help ease the transition from our delicious nicotine juice to less flavorful offerings.

Yerba Mate

UCSB is currently the number one point of sale for nearly all yerba mate brands across the country. With how ingrained yerb consumption is in Gaucho culture, it seems like a natural leap to load up our vapes with this South American caffeine elixir.

Arbor Soup

Equally entrenched into the UCSB zeitgeist is the soup selection at the Arbor. Whether you prefer the classic clam chowder or the zesty Timberline Chili, you will forget all about flavored Juul pods when you load up your vape with these chemically active stews. Unfortunately, EBT does not cover this vape juice.

Mojo Boba 

For those that like to chew their tea, Mojo has introduced a way to chew your vape with boba e-juice. My personal favorite is the taro tea vape juice with extra boba. I don’t even miss the nicotine while I am distracted by my jaw’s campaign to conquer those little tapioca balls.

TA Tears

Much like the tears of leprechauns or fairies, the tears of TAs have magical properties. It is said that if you can capture the tears of a grad student in your vape cartridge, you will be endowed with the power to see the future, an exhaustive knowledge of all of their area of study and if you pick the right TA eternal life.

Lagoon Water

Now, we aren’t sure that the lagoon contains nicotine, but it seems plainly ignorant to claim that there isn’t a fuck ton of addictive chemicals mixed into the water. Think of all the runoff from the dining commons, the refuse deposited in the lagoon by indiscriminate freshman and the sweat from the rowing team. Lagoon water may not get you domed, but it’ll certainly knock you on your ass.


A.Wiessass only vapes free-range egg yolk.


A. Wiessass
A. Wiessass is a UCSB undergrad who likes to keep to himself. He lives deep in the Santa Ynez Mountains at the site of the mountain parties. He leaves his compound very rarely, only to write satire and to stock up on fruit gummies and vape juice. If you wish to contact A. Wiessass, howl at the moon and wait for it to howl back.