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An influx of horrific bike accidents (in which many took to Free & For Sale to voice their grievances and describe the gory details of their injuries) has prompted local UCPD to implement the W.E.A.K. program, Wheels for Exceptionally Aggressive Kids. Much like C.A.S.E., W.E.A.K. aims to implement a month-long training course for those involved in more than one bike-related accident.

Students fined and enrolled in W.E.A.K. are reportedly mandated to attend Sunday courses where, through various PowerPoints, they learn correct biking hand gestures and correct biker’s etiquette. Additionally, those in the program are required to install training wheels on their bikes for the duration of the course.

“Embarrassing? Not really, why would you say that?” says W.E.A.K. sophomore Lewis Travolsky. “At first, sure, I hated the training wheels more than anything, but I’m learning to appreciate the stability they provide. Plus, they force you to go slow, so it’s become kind of meditative.”

It should also be noted that participants are required to fasten a large, green reflective sign with “W.E.A.K.” spray painted across the surface. This, as told by UCPD, is said to reduce crashes and accidents during night biking, the most dangerous of all biking types.

Samira Sahan, a third-year, was mandated to attend the program after her fourth bike accident this year, one of which shattered both an iPhone and the pride of a particularly masculine baseball player involved.

“Do I like the training wheels? No, no I don’t. I’m just hoping there’s a cool T-shirt at the end of this.” Sahan stated.

Nexustentialism hopes the W.E.A.K. program enhances bike safety on campus and promotes strong, confident W.E.A.K. participants in the future.


Emma Demorest is a second year writing and literature major who has never gotten in a bike accident mostly because she refuses to ride her own.


Emma Demorest
Emma Demorest is the editor of Nexustentialism. She once licked the largest wooden yoyo in the world.