Courtesy of PxHere

Men’s rights activists everywhere are finally speaking out about the fear and anxiety induced by a group of girls appearing behind them while walking.

Hundreds of males across the nation are finally speaking out about the terrifying reality of scary-ass females walking behind them while they’re conducting their regular business. Although this epidemic may have started on college campuses, it now affects men from all walks of life.

“When I hear them giggling and talking loudly, I just know they’re talking shit about me,” second-year Chad Bradston said. “It always happens when I’m walking from my dorm to DLG for dinner. Sometimes it’s so bad I just stop walking and wait for them to pass.”

Reports are coming in indicating that men are starting to take precautions to combat this national emergency. Some of the most popular steps for safety thus far include forming human busses that leave for common destinations every 15 minutes and just plain staying in your room and never coming back out.

“I just can’t take it anymore,” first-year Max Johnston proclaimed. “Girls are fucking scary man, I can’t just go outside without feeling like they’re tearing apart my outfit and making fun of me just outside of earshot. And what the hell are they always giggling about?”

Because this is a fairly unreported phenomenon, not much is yet known about the immediate dangers of the situation, if there are any. Pressure is rising for the university to set up a hotline and support groups for fragile men. An empirical study is currently underway by the sociology department to discover the full scope of this issue.


Johnny Jets thinks men’s rights are as legitimate as Scientology and big dick pills.