In today’s world, sleeping with someone on the first night isn’t exactly taboo. While there are still stigmas and judgments surrounding it, casually sleeping with someone right after meeting them is viewed by many as nothing more than harmless fun. For the most part, our generation has chosen to embrace and celebrate our sexuality rather than feel ashamed of it. However, some people still choose to maintain old-fashioned and modest views when it comes to sex.

I have a both guy- and girlfriends who believe that sex is great but simply aren’t willing to give it up on the first night. For them, sex contains many more strings than not, and comfortability is a huge factor. In reality, sex does require a certain level of security and comfort, and some people just naturally possess more of that than others.

In addition, while it may not seem like a big deal for many of us, casual sex can definitely have some not-so-casual consequences. From STIs to unwanted pregnancies, there is definitely an element of risk when it comes to sex. Considering these very real possibilities, it makes a lot of sense as to why some people hesitate before jumping into bed with someone who is practically a stranger.

Basically, the way I feel about sex on the first night can be summed up with: to each their own. Some people are comfortable enough to partake in the thrill every weekend, some are a bit choosier and others refuse to take the bait. In my opinion, as long as you’re responsible and standing by your convictions, there’s no wrong answer.

I even have a friend who was mid-makeout with some guy in a bathroom at a party, and when she said, “I’m not going to have sex with you in this bathroom,” he literally stopped, said “okay” and walked out the door.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people, especially girls, feel a certain amount of pressure to conform to the hookup culture that we have here in I.V. Everyone here is surrounded by incredibly attractive and charming people. Everyone here is surrounded by options. Everyone here is surrounded by competition. Because of this, I think a lot of girls feel the need to give into a game that they really don’t want to play. And the truth is, no one should be making decisions about their body or sexuality based off of the fear that they will be tossed aside for someone else.

Until recently I hadn’t realized how often this happens. It’s hard for me to believe that anyone could so blatantly disregard someone that they’ve just met, simply because they find out that they won’t be getting into their pants just hours after learning each other’s names. The fact that people even have the audacity to do such a thing is pretty shocking.

I know girls who have spent whole evening with guys, where they danced, kissed and had a great time, only to be completely dropped the second that they let it be known that sex wasn’t an option. I even have a friend who was mid-makeout with some guy in a bathroom at a party, and when she said, “I’m not going to have sex with you in this bathroom,” he literally stopped, said “okay” and walked out the door. She didn’t even give a complete rejection; she simply specified that she wouldn’t do it IN THE DAMN BATHROOM. At first, I thought it was an ego problem. I assumed that these guys were just arrogant, misguided, spoiled idiots with some sort of disturbing god complex. In reality, I think it’s actually the exact opposite.

If a girl tells you that she’s not comfortable having sex the first night you’ve met, and you choose to respond in such a disgusting and disrespectful way, all that shows is how insecure you really are. It doesn’t make you look cool, desired or confident; it makes you look like a coward. Running at the slightest sign of rejection or effort literally shows how little self-esteem you must possess, and it’s somewhat laughable.

There are hundreds of girls in this town who will gladly sleep with guys on the first night, and if that’s what you’re looking for, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, reacting in such an immature and embarrassingly chauvinistic way is not an appropriate response when you run into someone who happens to have different intentions.

Everyone has differing views and opinions when it comes to sex. However, one thing that everyone should agree upon is that no matter how you choose to go about it, respect is always involved, no matter what the circumstances. On top of that, I guarantee that making a girl (or guy in some cases) feel comfortable and respected will get you a whole lot farther in the bedroom than spinelessly attempting to manipulate or pressure your way into someone’s pants. Sex is supposed to be sexy, and coercion is not sexy. So if that’s your go-to tactic for maintaining your sex life, chance is you aren’t either.

Allie Lebos wants you to have your sex with a healthy helping of respect.