It's satire, stupid.
How To Spot An I.V. Fuckboi
November 5, 2015 at 8:02 am
Fuckboi (n.): a male specimen who has the characteristics or tendencies of the ultimate douchebag; possibly considers himself a “meninist”; makes up for his insecurities by drinking a lot of shitty beer and calling girls sensitive
Let’s be real here for a second: We have all met, known or are friends with a fuckboi. This syndrome is a modern day plague spreading across not only Isla Vista, but the whole country. Although it isn’t deadly … yet … it still affects the lives of many young women across the nation. However, the Isla Vista fuckboi is a new strain of this plague that has emerged through many games of beer die and the increasing sensitivity of the fragile male ego. If you are unsure of whether or not you are in the presence of an I.V. fuckboi, use this guide to help you.
You can spot an I.V. fuckboi if he…
- Has two to three cases of Kirkland beer in his Costco cart
- Hits you with the 2 a.m. “You up?”
- Most likely does not own a single shirt with sleeves
- Cherishes protein powder more than he does his own mother
- Rides a beach cruiser he probably stole
- Calls “Hotline Bling” his favorite song
- Gets mad when you ask why “Hotline Bling” is his favorite song
- Swipes right on every single girl on Tinder
- His extracurricular activities involve “Netflix and chill” and beer die
- His idea of a date is getting a blowjob at his frat house
- He walks his brand new pitbull puppy solely for the purpose of picking up girls
- Monday morning conversations consist of how blacked out he got after drinking the equivalent of four shots
- He starts playing beer die fresh out of class on Friday, even if his only class is an 8 a.m.
- His favorite beer is Natty Ice
- He does push-ups before he starts pregaming
- He wears a sombrero and poncho to soccer games
- He complains that “hoes ain’t loyal”
- He has cheated on his past three girlfriends
- He smokes weed before class, then complains about how he is too high to go to class
- He owns eight pairs of shoes but only wears Moccasins
- He puts his height and dick length on his Tinder profile
- He low-key likes to be called a fuckboi
- He uses the word low-key
Another shining example the Daily Nexus and the exemplary writing that always going with it. The author is obviously embarrassed to the point it went in as an anonymous article. The nexus should have never printed this mindless dribble and might want to think about doing actual journalism and having journalistic integrity some thing lacking from the majority of their articles. THE BOTTOM LINE IS WAY BETTER AND ACTUALLY REPORTS THE TRUTH VERSUS INCORRECT OPINIONS
how can an opinion be incorrect
in addition, you sound like a fuckboi
“how can an opinion be incorrect”
in my opinion the earth is flat
An opinion can only be incorrect if it deals with factual matters. The topic of this piece is subjective. “Fuckboi” is not a scientific or factual term; it is a subjective categorization of a certain kind of person. So, no, in this case, an opinion cannot be incorrect.
This isn’t a news post dumbass. Why do illiterate TBL staff constantly insist on posting this crap in opinion and blog posts?
Hey David,
Nexustensialism operates as a satire and humor section within the Daily Nexus. If you would like to see hard news articles and examples of earnest attempts toward absolute journalistic integrity, please direct your attention toward the News section.
Thank You.
The “NEWS” section is no better
Then why are you commenting in a blog post instead of news articles that you think are poorly written?
now post an article saying “how to spot a slut” and watch the ensuing shitstorm.
also I find it funny that this article was shared by 3 my my friends, all three girls and the only 3 feminist I know. oh my what a coincidence
all that aside, i like these things, I think this one was ok, all im saying if you girls are gonna do this, you have no right getting made at guys who do the same
cue everyone calling me a fuckboy in 3…2…1…
***19 of them applied to me
u mad bro
I can’t believe someone is actually getting paid to write this garbage lel
This is very well written and funny ; the specificity of the details is fantastic. Given the haters and the misogyny on this campus, it’s no surprise that the writer choose to remain anonymous. Keep writing!
write a man hating article, people show up complaining about misogyny lol
Man-hating articles are necessary BECAUSE of misogyny, don’t you see?
Plot twist this was not meant to be an article but an upcoming collaborated dissertation by the UCSB fem studies departmyn.
P.S makes me sad to see people getting a bad idea of feminism just because we have a fem studies department that does not do anything that actually helps empower women unlike other schools top schools.
sorry about the typo lol
This is fucking stupid, writer is implying that only frat boys can be fuckbois. See #10. 2/10 would not read again.
A 24th point should be added to this list:
24. He gets mad when he gets called out by way of a satirical article for being a fuckboi.
I think this article is great, people are just too sensitive these days.
Maybe we shouldn’t judge women or men on how many people they sleep with, or what they wear, or the type of beer they like…
I am a feminist and I don’t think making up a “male-version” of the word “slut” is helping create positive change.
If a man is disrespectful to women then he’s a asshole, but all these other irrelevant traits sound like the author is just targeting one or two males in particular.
Damn, I thought I was in the clear until the 8 am beerdie, but that’s some prime tossing time right there, the sun bounces of the Busch light in such a beautiful way…
Seriously though, this is a problem. Many feminists (and I consider myself one as well) constantly complain that when people misconstrue the feminism movement for the “feminazi movement” they simply dont understand the definition of feminism. Feminism, as is always immediately pointed out, means equality and bring women up to be equal with men. But these same people who consider themselves feminists also tend to perpetuate the feminazi rhetoric by creating articles such as these and trying to reverse the bullshit that women have so often been trying to be rid of. And i get it, we face a lot… Read more »
Slut (n.): a female specimen who has the characteristics or tendencies of the ultimate cunt; possibly considers herself a “feminist”; makes up for his insecurities by drinking a lot of shitty beer and calling guys fuckbois Let’s be real here for a second: We have all met, known or are friends with a slut. This syndrome is a modern day plague spreading across not only Isla Vista, but the whole country. Although it isn’t deadly … yet … it still affects the lives of many young men across the nation. However, the Isla Vista slut is a new strain of… Read more »
Anyone can copy and paste the same fucking article. You aren’t original. If you want to write an article USE YOUR OWN IDEAS AND DONT PLAGIARIZE SOMEONE ELSES.
haha! Someone had to do it. Well done! Shows how ridiculous the initial article was
***to the person who didn’t understand why he copied and pasted it: I’m truly embarrassed that I go to the same school as you haha. The purpose for that is so obvious that I can’t bring myself to waste my time explaining it haha
Lots of angry fuckboys in the comments today.
It’s spelled fuccboi you illiterate fuck