Do you know how they say that crude oil makes the world go ’round? Well whoever they are, they are completely wrong. The reality is that there is another type of oil out there that is much more important and valuable than crude oil. Imagine the lovechild of Lady Gaga and Beyoncé carefully recreating the choreography to “Telephone” over a pile of glitter that Oprah Winfrey and Bernie Sanders personally blessed. Take that child’s sweat, call up the Pope to distill it, throw in some angel tears, and you have got yourself coconut oil. Yes, coconut oil: the world’s most valuable commodity. It has been said to be able to heal all wounds both physical and emotional, but coconut oil single-handedly ruined my life.

When I moved out of my house, I took it as an opportunity to change myself completely. “I will be THAT bitch. Super hip and super healthy. I will use coconut oil for everything and life will be great!” And it was great because being open to alternative food options is awesome. Until it was not. Within a few meals, coconut oil let me know who the head bitch in charge was and my life was essentially left in shambles.
Coconut oil has an incredibly high smoking point, which means that it gets incredibly hot. In other words, you should probably not let it sit in a pan heating up while you prepare what you are about to cook. Yes, this is common sense with any oil, but you know what? I was young and naïve. I have learned from my mistake.

The plan for the meal was salmon on a bed of quinoa and kale; simple enough. While my pan heated up (on high, mind you) I seasoned the salmon with some salt, pepper and rosemary. By the time I got to the pan, I had forgotten that I had been heating up the oil for so long on such a high temperature. I placed the salmon on the pan and the coconut oil lashed out at me. It was like I owed it money or something.

Before I knew it, I had coconut oil all over the tops of my hands and all over my lovely H&M sale-rack t-shirt. The burn was unforgiving to say the least, and my favorite shirt was ruined. I honestly thought that, given coconut oil’s magic properties, it would have left me some glittery scars or given me the ability to fly, but no. It left me unglittered, flightless and in a lot of pain. As for the salmon, it turned out delicious. It had a wonderful rosemary aroma and it was not too greasy. Go figure.

I wish I could say that I have learned from this experience, but since then I have ruined about three shirts and am still hoping that these scars will provide me with superhuman powers.

Rosemary Salmon:

1 4-oz. filet of pink salmon
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. ground black pepper
2 sprigs fresh rosemary
1 tbsp. of coconut oil

1. Set your pan on medium high heat (Do this right when you are ready to cook!)
2. Season each side of the salmon filet with salt and pepper
3. Place salmon in the pan and let cook on each side for 3 minutes per side until golden brown
4. Sprinkle the top with rosemary and serve on top of your quinoa and kale bed

Quinoa and kale bed:

1/4 cup quinoa
1/2 cup chicken broth (or water)
1/4 cup chopped kale
Salt and ground black pepper for seasoning

1. Rinse your quinoa thoroughly. Combine quinoa and broth in a small saucepan and bring it to a boil.
2. Cover the saucepan and let it sit on low heat for 15 minutes. Add kale to allow it to steam with the quinoa.
3. Drain your quinoa and let sit for another 15 minutes to ensure it will be fluffy
4. Season accordingly and serve!