anaconda ‘Tis the season to be sexy.

Halloween’s all wrapped up, Thanksgiving is right around the corner and soon the December festivities will come marching in. With the holiday season in full swing, it’s time to get stoked for the bountiful possibilities of some holiday humpin’ hotness. And sure, holiday trysts have their downsides, but let’s face it: There is no better time to turn on the risqué when you’ve got enough mood food to put you in a state of constant arousal and enough candy canes to make into a DIY dildo.

Turkey meat’s got me going like “ooh yea”
Need a libido booster? Have no fear: Your Thanksgiving turkey’s got you covered. While aphrodisiac foods are oftentimes argued to be more myth than reality, certain types of foods are considered to be stimulants and have a higher potential to modulate or enhance the hormonal, physiological and mental processes in a romantic relationship. Over the years, turkey has been dubbed a type of aphrodisiac due to its high level of tryptophan, the precursor of serotonin, a chemical that works as a neurotransmitter and is responsible for maintaining mood balance, affecting social behavior and influencing sexual desire.

Sure, maybe the wild bird isn’t as great as chocolate, but needless to say, a lot of turkey will be coming your way in the next couple of weeks, so why not binge to boost up your good humor? (Stretchy pants advised throughout holiday season, not only for bloated bellies but also for bloated organs in the nether regions.)

Holiday parties heating it up
The excitement of holiday parties — and I’m talking about an orgasmic type of excitement — is not to be ignored. Whether you’re planning to attend an ugly sweater company party for work, a winter ball for your club or a New Year’s rager with your friends from home, the potential for some serious steam is high. It’s the most wonderful time of year, as the carolers say, so let the lust free, drink the second glass of wine, make the embarrassing move on the dance floor, and introduce yourself to the colleague you’ve been admiring from afar.

Feeling a little shy to spread your sexy? Don’t. In their annual holiday survey, Digital media company Tickle Inc. revealed that 24 percent of respondents have more sex around the holidays and 47 percent were able to experience romance or engage in a lusty fling at a holiday party. Twenty-nine percent had a one-night stand following a holiday party at least once. Be it lust or love, the seduction is on.

Beware of the holiday “oops”
You’re drunk, they’re drunk and from your peripheral vision, your dog looks pretty drunk, too … Amidst the gingerbread cookies, champagne and gloriously salacious Mrs. Claus lingerie, don’t forget that you remain responsible for the consequences of your actions with whomever you take home (or go home with). Last winter, a survey by Trojan and Harris Interactive revealed that 46 percent of people who have sex at or after a holiday party do not use a condom. Granted, these people were probably using other good forms of contraception, but I’ll take a stab that some of them weren’t practicing safe sex. Concerns about pregnancy or contracting an STD can turn a joyous holiday into a stressful shit show, and no one wants that.

Whether you’re just fooling around or looking for some real lovin’ this winter season, embrace the sensual spirit of the holidays and remember to enjoy yourself. Merry humping!

R. Pengsta gets the chestnuts roasting by wearing anacondaugly Christmas sweaters and sweatpants every holiday season.