As a freshman there is never a shortage of different groups trying to get your attention, most offering free condoms as an incentive. Weirdly enough, simply amassing a warehouse-sized supply of condoms does not necessarily mean you’ll be getting laid 24/7. Let’s face it, nobody is having that much sex. Here’s a list of some creative and non-sexual ways of getting those rubbers to work.
1. Beach Ball
The old standby. This classic will keep you and your friends entertained for hours.
2. Waterproofing Electronics
Stranded in the middle of a rainstorm with nothing but condoms and your cellphone? Have no fear, use the condom to keep the cellphone nice and dry until you’re out of the rain.
3. Change Purse
Hate having loose change in your pockets or purse? Throw all those pesky coins into a condom and you’ll be set.
4. Sanitary Glove
Is your roommate a slob? Are they constantly leaving half-eaten and festering food around the room? Whip out your handy condom and use it on your hand as a sanitary glove to protect yourself from their filth.
Seriously, there’s a lot of these things out there. If you’ve amassed a stockpile and some bro down the hall just ran out, leverage it in to a sweet deal for yourself. Supply and demand, bitches.
6. Water Balloon
Fill up some condoms and let the battle commence. Also a great way to test the durability of different condom brands and pick the most enduring one.
Wearing leather shoes? Just got new white Vans? Don’t let them get wet and dirty! Instead, cover your shoes with condoms and you’re good to go.
Cut those puppies up and let ‘em fly. Perfect for celebrating such happy occasions as: passed mid-terms, successful, normal use of a different condom, getting off the waitlist for that one class you really needed, Friday.
9. Fermentation Lock
Are you running out of money to keep up with your weekend turn up habits? Stretch a condom over a wine bottle, poke a hole in the tip and watch the fermentation magic commence.
Winter is coming and normal hats aren’t cheap. Slip on a condom to keep your head warm while the lubricant stylishly gels your hair.
11. Ice cube that won’t water down your drink
Tired of your brunch-time OJ being lukewarm and not tasting lube-y enough? Freeze some water in a condom, place it in your drink and enjoy. Also, get different flavored condoms to spruce up boring plain water! Pro-tip: Put it in your whiskey. Alcohol kills the taste of lube, right?
It is always good to stay protected out there, and a good pair of nunchucks will run you in to the low 10’s of dollars. Who has that? Place rocks and marbles in the bottom of two condoms and tie them together. These D.I.Y. nunchucks should be more than good enough for all of your self-defense needs or impromptu Kung Fu battles.
13. Festive Balloons
Need a last minute gift for that special someone on a birthday or anniversary? A condom balloon bouquet will make a lovely present and set the tone for the direction you’re expecting the evening to go toward.
This innovative idea not only keeps your feet clean, but moisturizes as it goes. Wear it on a night out in the town so various beer spills, vomit, etc don’t ruin your shoes for good.