Davidson Library administration released a statement yesterday reporting a sudden disappearance of the $76 million state bond measure funding their UCSB Library Addition and Renovation Project, with construction plans now enlisting the help of students in the building process.

Whereabouts of the funds are unknown, but rumors have sprouted throughout campus involving librarians allegedly using the money to purchase weed and Jack Daniel’s in an effort to relieve work boredom. Library administration is currently seeking to put a stop to the rumors and are, in the meantime, posting notices around campus alerting students to bring their own sets of construction supplies, including bolts, wire nuts, bricks, beams and molds.

According to Davidson Director of Development Jules Sparkling, all construction workers have fled. Students are “the only hope” for the library now, Sparkling said.

“It’s not like the librarians can do it,” Sparkling said. “We’re all very upset with the lost money, really we are, but I have faith that it wasn’t to waste. Now our students can finally take responsibility for their own library structure. It’s time they do more than go to class and study — it’s time they give back.”

Sparkling said students are actually “overwhelmingly fortunate” due to the gracious donations from local Santa Barbara contractors and the Campus Design and Facilities department, both of which provided a generous amount of construction tools for students in order to lighten their fiscal load.

“They’ve offered us free nails and a hammer for our efforts,” Sparkling said. “They are truly the Samaritans of our society!”

When questioned about his sudden departure from the project, Head Construction Manager Bob Dabildr said the time had come for hands-on student involvement. Dabildr said during his time working on the project, he received numerous complaints about the slow pace of the construction and now realizes that the best solution to this problem is to “make students do it.”

“Not my problem anymore,” Dabildr said. “You whine, you do. This is your library — if you’re sad it don’t get done until after you graduate, then you should help ‘cause that way it’ll get done faster,” Dabildr said.

According to assistant university librarian for outreach and academic collaboration Becca Mecca, Phase I of the project, which consisted of the gutting of original structures and seismic strengthening, was completed earlier this year. With Phase II underway, the eighth floor of the library was recently re-opened, just in time for the start of Spring Quarter, with floor seven to open this Thursday.

However, Mecca said floor eight consists only of a renovated men’s restroom and no women’s restroom. Instead, women’s restrooms are only available on floors one through five, which Mecca said has triggered a large crowding issue.

“We need to hurry or our ladies will have no place to relieve themselves,” Mecca said. “There’s just too many of the girls here on floors one to five. They all head to the bathroom in groups and pile up in there.”

Third-year toxicology major Bruh Thuh said he feels excited to have the opportunity to engage in construction work.

“I want in,” Thuh said. “I want in on the action. This is definitely the most exciting and impacting thing I’ve ever done in my life, and I want in, bro.”

To “get in on the action” and check for more information and updates, visit Davidson Library’s Addition and Renovation Project blog site at building.library.ucsb.edu.