Women have this strange perception that pleasing oneself is arbitrary and volatile. However, men seem to harbor no shame about the fact that, yeah, they masturbate. So why do women still tend to feel discouraged to explore their lady parts? Why does it feel so taboo to learn your own body?

I can say that I subscribed to this dichotomy between the sexes for so long because I was embarrassed and afraid that it was “wrong” to touch myself or to use toys to help get me going (if you know what I mean). It isn’t necessarily the most common thing for women to do, nor does it tend to be discussed in the same way that men so openly talk about it, but undeniably, there is a large number of women who masturbate regularly.

I was thinking to myself, “If I don’t know what I like, how will I be able to tell future lovers how to properly please me?” Most women have no idea what an orgasm feels like, and I didn’t want to be one of the many who have never received such pleasure. So, of course, like the human that I am, I asked Google what would be the best way to achieve proper climax, because obviously Google has the answers to everything, ever. This was when I learned that, although a man can help, you must first learn how to be comfortable with your own body, which entails self-exploration. One way that they suggest you can start exploring is by considering the idea of investing in sex toys. Yes girls, I said it — sex toys.

Going off of Google’s recommendation, I began researching different kinds of sex toys. And if you didn’t know — because I had no idea — there is an extremely wide variety of vibrators and I came (*wink wink*) upon a world of possibility, a world that I never knew existed. It was like my own personal 50 Shades of Grey experience and boy, was I excited!

There were beginner vibrators, which were very traditional, simply vibrating as you place them onto your clitoris, until at last they reach an intensity to make you climax like you’ve never felt before. Or there are more advanced sex toys, like the Luna Beads which are a pair of ball-shaped objects that you insert and then go about your daily business. For those of you who have read 50 Shades of Grey, I’m sure you know full well what these lovely beads are. They create this lovely tugging sensation that seems to pull from a dark place of pleasure, without even having to use it on your clitoris or do any work yourself. It’s as though your libido is on fire with burning pleasure and completely relaxed at the same time. All you need to do is a little bit of walking, and there is nothing wrong with a little bit of walking, I mean a little exercise never hurt anybody. If you’re having a bad day, what better way to brighten it than to use your new Luna Beads and clean the house? I can tell you now that cleaning will never be the same again.

After experimenting with these two toys is when I first discovered that orgasms truly were as great as those screaming girls in porn make it seem and that I never wanted to experience another sexual encounter without an orgasm again. So yes, women have as much of a right to orgasm as men do! And if you ever have to question whether or not you’ve orgasmed, there’s a good chance that you haven’t because you will know when it happens. That’s when you will realize the magic you have been missing out on.

This first experience is especially important in college because some men are still learning what they’re doing, and the best thing you can do for yourself and your partner is to teach him or her what you like. And the only way to teach is to know what you like, right?

Change your sex life. Use toys! Explore yourself and reach climaxes like you’ve never felt. It can’t hurt to find your sexual preferences and realize how much more fun you could have been having all along. If nothing else, you can feel like you’ve done women everywhere a service in teaching someone else the proper way to please a woman. That’s the worst that can happen. At best, you get your mind blown several times over. Sex is great, but so much better when you know what you’re doing.

I don’t recommend advertising your love for sex toys to everyone you meet — it may scare some people away and then you’ll be stuck with your toys for the night. As fun as they are, they’re no substitute for the real thing. They’re pretty lonely. But you’ll know when and where to bring it up. Find a consistent buddy who can help you climax with or without your toys because, although masturbation is a beautiful thing, sometimes it’s fun and sexy when you’re using your pleasure toys with another person.

The moral of the story, ladies? Invest. Learn yourself, learn what you like. What can you lose from a little one-on-one time? I can say now: Best Investment Ever.

Wendy Doer knows what she’s doing tonight.

A version of this article appeared in the Wednesday, January 22, 2014 print edition of the Daily Nexus.
Views expressed on the Opinion page do not necessarily reflect those of the Daily Nexus or UCSB. Opinions are primarily submitted by students.