Sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko discussed the importance of respect and communication in sexual relationships during a lecture yesterday in the UCSB Loma Pelona Center.

The event, titled “How to be a Gentleman and Get Laid: Navigating consent, sexual freedom, partying, dating, relationships, and what it means to be a man on campus,” was hosted by the UCSB Women, Gender, & Sexual Equity Department.

Once interviewed by Neil Strauss, renowned dating expert and best-selling author of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, Mihalko is a self-proclaimed Sex & Relational Role Model and “Sex Geek” who said he wants to make sex and “hooking up” an enjoyable and “un-shameful” experience for both parties.

During his lecture, Mihalko said he strives to teach men to have genuine communication skills, to understand and respect women, to be more effective lovers and afterward be role models to their community. Additionally, according to Mihalko, being genuine and forthright is a better approach to picking up women than “trying to say the right things to get a girl to like you” and just “hunting for pussy.”

Mihalko also said men should strive to make women feel safe and that men who take on misogynistic and uncaring roles in sex and relationships will only perpetuate certain stereotypes about the male gender as a whole.

“They are sharing their bodies with you,” Mihalko said. “If [women] feel they can’t trust you with their ‘no,’ how could they trust you with their ‘yes’?”

According to Mihalko, men should not focus on convincing women to sleep with them but rather on developing continuous, non-awkward and mutually enjoyable relationships — whether they are casual or monogamous.

Fourth-year political science major Ryan Cruz said Mihalko’s advice was relevant and beneficial to not only males seeking relationships with women, but to the campus community as a whole.

“I felt that the program was great,” Cruz said. “As a gay male with a lot of female friends, they talk about what men should do in order to become better lovers and what Reid was saying was spot-on.”

Mihalko teaches an online class at his website



A version of this article appeared on page 7 of May 23rd’s print edition of the Daily Nexus.