My parents never talked about politics. One night in a bar, this somehow gave me validity as a Republican. The fact that my ideologies were neither a choice to mime my parent’s party politics, nor the cliché rebellion against everything they stand for, seemed to catch the tipsy brunette off guard. Her cheekbones rose as she squinted her eyes at me. I nearly expected her to cock her head and examine me sideways — how odd that I had chosen to be a Republican.

Republican minorities are like mystical creatures at UC Santa Barbara. No one really knows they exist and when they’re revealed, well, you should see the disbelievers’ faces. By far the most satisfying part of being a Republican on an excessively liberal campus is shocking the hell out of Democrats. “Wait… you are a college woman… and you want to pay for your own birth control? … But it’s free somewhere else.” True, it is “free” elsewhere. OR I could forgo a single burrito once a month to take responsibility for my own adult actions. Let’s see here, sacrifice two Starbucks coffees every 30 days or have a baby. Decisions, decisions. True, some people genuinely cannot afford it, and for that we have safety nets. But for you in the Lululemon yoga pants and the Tory Burch iPhone case: I think you can manage. And yes I just called out 75 percent of the Communication majors.

To the reader who clung to the phrase “safety net” just now, I preemptively counter your generalization that all Republicans are against government agencies. That’s actually a staunch Libertarian, by the way. “Common Sense Republicans” make up a majority of the Right, meaning people who believe in limited government but acknowledge the necessity for some government intervention and of course military defense.

Let’s take a minute to think of an alternative universe in which Liberals are the sexist ones. I would have rewritten this argument in my own words, but Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (R- TX) just said it so eloquently:

“To say that there is a set of concerns that can be labeled ‘women’s issues’ is absolutely true. But to assume that we all feel the same way about them — or that we must feel the same way about them to represent our gender legitimately — is inherently sexist. Women are, in fact, more than our gender. We are entrepreneurs and executives who are concerned about a faltering economy and business-unfriendly regulation. We are homemakers and heads of households who worry what tax hikes will do to our family budgets. We are parents who want the best education possible for our children. We are recent graduates, entering the bleakest job market in decades.”

I’ve had enough of your presumptuous arguments reducing the discussion of women in politics to reproductive “rights,” thus subjugating the current economic crisis as a somehow less important issue for women. To make it clear — as it will soon be evident when we graduate in the next one to three years and have no jobs — an anemic economy hinders the opportunity for women (and ALL Americans) to succeed. So to your “Smart Women Vote Obama” button I say FORGET YOU. Not only would I bet 100 hundred dollars my GPA is higher than yours, but my brain is up by my eyes where I can see over my ovaries to the larger issues ruining this country, like out of control spending. The Left speaks of this “War on Women” like a Republican woman is an oxymoron. Or any minority for that matter. Though not a member of either club, I’d just like to point out that the Campus Democrats’ elected board consists of all white people. The Republicans, by comparison, have representatives in their club who are of African American and Jewish descent.

Perhaps I happen to believe that saving a little unborn baby is more important than saving a tree, am I now anti-woman? The Left is even satirized for its excessive use of euphemisms and there-there political correctness. This decade’s flavor is “pro-choice” meaning pro-abortion. If you are pro-choice, do you support the choice to own a gun? Do you support the choice to pick what health care provider you want? Answer yes and you can keep the euphemism. Answer no and you’re annoying and a hypocrite.


Stop with the pity party: women are the majority in college enrollment, college graduation, professional occupations and in AP test taking.

Okay, the binders full of women thing was really funny.

Maybe I like making sandwiches. Because men can’t do anything right.

“Women” doesn’t have a “y” in it.

Dumbledore dies.

This author has requested to remain anonymous so you can’t add the sweet, sweet taste of elephant blood to your coffee. Looks like you’ll have to splurge 50 cents on soy instead.