Dear Morning Stack,


Everybody is pressuring me to be something I’m not. My mom wants me to stay in school. My dad wants me to be a doctor, but I want to be a DJ. I’m not interested in chemistry or biology. I don’t care about the nervous system or the limbic system; all I care about is my sound system. I really think I have what it takes to be the next big DJ. I have the determination, the drive and the right equipment — a Macbook PRO.

Why doesn’t anybody support my dreams of being the greatest DJ since Skrillex? I feel like nobody understands me. Sometimes being successful is not the most important thing in the world. Sometimes it’s better to follow your dreams.

I was born to be a DJ; I have the God-given ability to feel the pulse of the crowd. How can I convince my family and friends to support me and believe what I believe: that I’m going to be the greatest DJ of all time?



Chuck Outmajams

Dear Reader,


Thank you for your letter. I regret to inform you that your DJ career is not going to work out. Being a DJ requires absolutely no skill or creativity at all. Let me get this straight — you think you can earn a living in today’s competitive job market by choosing techno and dubstep songs from your computer? It’s one thing to make music or be a radio DJ with a fun personality who chooses songs that people can sing along to in their car. But you do none of those things. Sorry.



Listen to Your Mother




Note: All “Morning Stack” articles are fictional and purely for the sake of humor. They are not intended to offend or deceive any Daily Nexus readers. We hope you enjoyed today’s stack of satire!

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