The UC Police Dept. was hit with a true double whammy — a hammered citizen with a hammer — when responding to an emergency call at Santa Catalina Residence Hall around 10:45 p.m. Friday night.

Officers approached the North Tower’s east entrance and discovered a heavily intoxicated 56-year-old man brandishing his mallet at students in an upper window. Luckily, three officers confronted the MC before he used his hammer.

Although IVFP recognized the wayward carpenter from previous encounters, they were unfamiliar with the level of discoloration in his eyes and pants.

After diverting the suspect’s attention, officers were able to seize the weapon and ascertain why the super smashed brotha’ wanted to pull out the Hammer on helpless students.

Despite his slurred speech, the subject managed to explain that the dispute began after he made an agreement with some students to sell a bike. When the students backed out, he felt harassed, and he wanted his $10.

“Come back here, you bitches, and I’ll shove this hammer up your ass!” the suspect said to onlookers at the scene.

Further investigation revealed the man also possessed a pocketknife to make his point in case the hammer came across too bluntly.

The suspect received an open container citation and was charged with one count of exhibiting a deadly weapon and public intoxication.